im six kinds of drunk right now
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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