we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
