im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
