I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
