Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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