just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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