I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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