Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
