would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i will never coherently bang her
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
