none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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