Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
