:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have aggressive nipples.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
