Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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