well most of my day revolves around power hour
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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