Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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