There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
