I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
