Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
