Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
