i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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