So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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