hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
bring money and cleavage
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
