My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
