Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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