I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
