Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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