I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
