Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Come see our sink grown plant.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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