Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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