my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
