Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
