I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
