I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
