Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I want a musical about memes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
