I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
