Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
