Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am naked and annoyed.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
