I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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