I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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