I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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