quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
