Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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