dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
