I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
