as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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