there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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