I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we're making bets on your personal life
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
