this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
