I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
