from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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