My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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