ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
