dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
