Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
