My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
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think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Pants are for mortals
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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