i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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