uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
