Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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