p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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