you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize