It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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