dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
