what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Randomize
