omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize