If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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