chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.