Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila