john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
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Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?