no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to