he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The best revenge is premature balding
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
