Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
