I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
